Bart Simpson's 10 Blackboard Lessons That Would Be Most Helpful During An Apocalypse
If the world doesn't end this Saturday, May 21 at 6 p.m. due to a massive all-consuming earthquakeas some people have predicted, then on May 22 the season finale of "The Simpsons" will air on Fox. Is this timing a coincidence? Probably, yes.
But maybe it's not entirely chance. Maybe there's some twisted, cosmic connection between "The Simpsons" and this prophesized Judgment Day, and all along for the past 22 years Bart has been scrawling the keys to survival on a school blackboard for those who care to learn. Because if there is a worldwide quake or a large asteroid smashes into a Wendy's somewhere in Illinois, the wily, four-fingered cartoon kid has offered some advice that would be helpful for braving the chaos and looting that's sure to follow. And while I would strongly prefer a zombie apocalypse in the event of our demise, Bart's blackboard lessons are 100 percent guaranteed to help you in any kind of global doom.
1. On safety
2. On warfare
3. On medicine
4. On uprisings
5. On faith
6. On feelings
7. On answers
8. On devotion
9. On resuscitation
10. On exploitation
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